Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
