It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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