You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
