R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
