oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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