you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
