I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
