Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
