I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
