my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
