Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
