Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
