We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
