That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
