babies were throwing up all over the place
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
