Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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