I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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