im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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