I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
