why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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