Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
