Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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