my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's always time for handjobs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
