I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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