Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so let's talk penis.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
