with your own penis?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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