Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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