Porn is love you can see.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
