Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
