He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
