When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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