My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
