hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
