Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
