Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
