addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize