Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm passing your future prison.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
