You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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