you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
