so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
