I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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