Buhtt sex?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
