So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
