Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
