i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
