When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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