in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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