puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
