I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
