We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
