every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
