mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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