I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
