im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're like the curious george of whores
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
