for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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