it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
