is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
