I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
birth control should be required to get into college
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
