I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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