hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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