Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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