I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
