Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
