I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
