I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
