quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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