I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
