it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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