I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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