Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize