I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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