I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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