She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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