I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
