I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
