I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
