I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
