It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
