you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
