She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize