Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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