Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
