I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
