We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
