you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
