Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize