Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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