Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
